by Thom Dennis, LCPC

Valentine’s Day has evolved over the centuries

What once was a mid-February Roman fertility festival known as Lupercalia was replaced in the 4th Century with a minor Christian feast-day commemorating a martyred priest named Saint Valentine. The holiday evolved during the Middle Ages throughout Western Europe and again in the late 18th-century Romantic period into an opportunity for lovers to exchange formal letters of devotion, tokens of affection, and later commercially printed greeting cards with gold-embossed images of cupids, hearts, and flowers.

Today, Valentine’s Day is celebrated around the world in various ways, but it typically involves the consumption of some form of chocolate. In addition to communicating romantic love, it has expanded to include expressions of fondness among friends and family members.

Remember back in grade school, exchanging Valentine’s Day greetings with all our friends? Despite my strong objections, my parents insisted I had to give a card to all my classmates, even if I didn’t like some of them very much. I also remember making construction paper hearts for my mom. She saved those faded, handmade cards in a box under the bed until the day she died.

If there is a special someone or loved ones in your life this year, consider going beyond the predictable, commercial, or convenient and engage your creative side by hand-writing, hand-crafting, or hand-baking a heartfelt expression of affection, appreciation, and admiration. Spend some quality time or do a kind act that demonstrates how much they really matter to you. (No, an evening or belated text message ending with a string of heart emojis just doesn’t compare with a premeditated and personalized illustration that “you matter to me.”)  And please remember to reaffirm the bond with periodic reminders throughout the rest of the year.

Maybe it’s time for Valentine’s Day to evolve again

Joyous public holidays can be a time of mental and emotional distress, especially for those who have experienced a death, a separation, or estrangement from significant loved ones. Valentine’s Day is particularly hard for those who live alone or feel abandoned when they see other people enjoying expressions of connection and love. External reminders and internal memories of a happier past only serve to magnify their sense of grief, depression, and isolation.

This year, consider looking beyond your immediate circle and reaching out to neighbors, colleagues, and old acquaintances who may be alone this holiday. A phone call, or a hand-written notecard that says, “I’m thinking of you,” goes a long way in improving their (and your) well-being.

Despite all the ways modern technology allows us to communicate with other people, mental health researchers point to a growing sense of loneliness the world over. Public health officials warn that a lack of strong social connections, affecting both young and old, contributes to a variety of physical and mental health issues including, cardiovascular disease, weakened immune systems, depression, and anxiety. While social media offers nuanced ways to connect with like-minded people, it appears these electronic means of connecting leave many people feeling unseen and emotionally unfulfilled. Nothing can replace genuine human face-to-face interaction.

What about those we don’t like very much?

Sadly, it seems our world is trending toward people and entire populations becoming increasingly polarized. Practicing the art of Empathy is an attempt to understand another person’s feelings, from that other person’s point of view. Maybe this Valentine’s Day, we can invest some emotional energy in expanding our circles of relationships. Let’s try to appreciate the underlying humanity of those with whom we don’t necessarily agree. If we’re not feeling so generous as to send an actual Valentine’s Day greeting to the people we don’t necessarily like very much, perhaps we can borrow from the Buddhist tradition and send out “virtual” Valentine’s through a practice called, Loving-kindness Meditation; by cultivating an attitude of kindness, starting with our own heart, and radiating outward to include those we love, those we don’t love, and finally including every sentient being in the universe. Kindness in any form will certainly contribute to a happier Valentine’s Day.

Thom Dennis, D. Min, LCPC, LMHC, FT is a mental health counselor at Midwest Medical Center clinic. For additional support for improving your mental and emotional well-being, call us at 815-776-7381.